Saturday, September 30, 2006

We're now moving into the doldrums of the NFL season, but I will do my best to keep things interesting:

MIA at HOU: Sorry Chris, we've both seen the Fins. Picking Houston at home, as bad as they've been, isn't much of an upset. Just call NE at CIN your real upset special and move on. HOU.

NO at CAR: Yeah, yeah, the Panthers aren't doing so hot right now, but the Saints are not a good team, even if they finish with a winning record. Much like the Bucs last year. CAR.

MIN at BUF: Minny has a letdown after hanging with Chicago most of last week. Whoop de do. In a minor upset, BUF.

SD at BAL: Man, the Ravens are boring. Even their down to the wire, closely contested games suck to watch. SD.

AZ at ATL: Falcons- Bad team that manages to win more games than they should. Cardinals - OK team that manages to win as many game as the Cardinals should. ATL.

DAL at TEN: Ummmm..... Looking forward to the Drew Bennett - Terence Newman matchup ...yeah, that's the ticket! DAL.

IND at NYJ: Indy will lose at some point, but not now. IND.

SF at KC: If San Fran is going to be able to get to 14 losses this year, they have to be able to lose to the KCs of the world. KC.

DET at STL: See below for my thoughts on Detroit... STL.

JAX at WAS: Heading to Washington after facing the Colts must be like hitting off a tee after facing Roger Clemens. JAX

CLE at OAK: Some online columnist (I forget who) stated this week that the Raiders have looked worse than any team has in the last 15 years, and, for once, I think I have to agree with the mainstream media. GIDCAOTW. CLE.

NE at CIN: Cincy will continue rolling until their felony-related attrition rate keeps them from being able to put 11 players on the field. CIN.

SEA at CHI: Again, not a vote of confidence in the Seahawks, just a vote against the Bears. SEA.

GB at PHI: Funny how Chris "conveniently" made his picks succinct this week, since I would think a verbose retraction is in order. Calling me out not once but twice last week (GB over DET, CIN over PIT) and then getting stomped in both cases - there's a lot of explaining that needs to be done when a man puts his faith in Mike Martz + Matt Millen, or Ben Roethlisberger. GB.

Saturday, September 23, 2006

A good start to the season, let's see if this run of good luck continues:

CAR at TB. None of these NFC South matchups ever intrigue me. Chris "glad they don't have negative passer rating" Simms has no chance against a desperate Carolina D. CAR.

CHI at MIN. Chicago is an average team everyone thinks is good. But the Vikings are a bad team everyone thinks is ok. CHI.

CIN at PIT. The Bengals are just plain more talented than the Steelers this year (and last year too - but I won't rub any more salt in those wounds). CIN.

GB at DET. GB actually outplayed the Saints, and Detroit looks at least as lost as the Packers do. Upset special, only because I think we could actually win. GB.

JAX at IND. I'm telling you, I have one hell of a pulse of the Jags right now. This week, I feel at letdown in the dome. IND.

NYJ at BUF. Didn't these teams play last week? It sure feels like it.... BUF.

TEN at MIA. Miami fans are turning on Culpepper even faster than I would have anticipated. Hey guys, just be glad you don't have Kerry Collins. MIA.

WAS at HOU. If there is anyone in the country who is exited about this matchup, I'd love to meet them. And find out which mental illness afflicts them. Game I don't care about of the week. HOU.

BAL at CLE. The 2006 Cleveland Browns: "who needs a real quarterback?" Or, alternately, "Thank God we don't have Kerry Collins." BAL.

NYG at SEA. Giants could have a letdown here, but I really want to see Mr. Smarty Pants Hasselbeck fail this year. Here's hoping... NYG.

PHI at SF. This is either an improbable upset or, more likely, a "take out your frustrations on those weaker than you" game for Philly. PHI.

STL at ARI. Wow, St. Louis - losing to the Niners? How are you planning on explaining that one to your children? ARI.

DEN at NE. I'm just glad I have it recorded in my picks that I predicted a crash and burn season for the Broncos. NE.

ATL at NO. Sorry folks, there's no way the Saints are good enough to be 3-0. ATL.

Saturday, September 16, 2006

Yay! World Beard Championships!

In other news:

CLE at CIN: I don't remember much about Cincy's last game, but I do remember that the Browns looked cooked. CIN.

TB at ATL: Yeah, yeah, Atlanta beat Carolina, whoop de doo. Playing without Steve Smith (and with Keyshawn Johnson as a #1) is the equivalent of having to play an entire hockey game with the penalty killing unit. TB.

BUF at MIA: I admit it, I really did not see the Bills' week one performance coming. With the disclaimer that this is not bandwagon jumping, I would like to give a tip of the cap to everyone's favorite 97-year old GM, Marv Levy. BUF.

DET at CHI: Surprise pick for "game I don't care about of the week." I just don't care anymore... CHI.

NO at GB: Let's move on, shall we? GB.

HOU at IND: Of course, we couldn't get very far into the season without the Colts facing the Texans. I'm pretty sure this matchup happens about every other week. IND.

OAK at BAL: Believe it or not, I don't believe the Raiders' trainwreck is mostly Aaron Brooks' fault. Peyton Manning behind the Raiders line would get sacked about 30 times a game. Seriously, what is Baltimore going to do, respect the running game of Lamont Jordan? Also, I would like to give a second tip of the cap to everyone's favorite unintentionally hilarious and senile 97-year old GM, Al Davis. BAL.

NYG at PHI: Finlly, Philly is going to have to deal with the reality that it doesn't really have enough offensive talent to seriously contend. NYG.

CAR at MIN: I agree with Chris on his revert-to-the-mean philosopy here. Minny is way too bad to be 2-0. CAR

AZ at SEA: I'm definitely not sold on Seattle, but I'm also not sold on Arizona yet. Damn, it must be good to be in the NFC west. SEA.

STL at SF: The Martzless and suddenly-less-hateable Rams came through big time for me in last week's upset special. They should be able to do some record-padding here. STL.

NE at NYJ: The Jets are one of the NFL's bottom-rung teams (yeah, I know, it's a crowded rung), but I just have this feeling that the Pats are too confident about getting a rebound victory here. Upset special. NYJ.

KC at DEN: Hate to say I told you so about the Broncos. Unfortunately, they'll get a win this week agaist a team whose current quarterback situation is even worse than their own. DEN.

TEN at SD: The Titans are clearly just biding their time until Vince Young is ready, so don't expect much out of them for now. SD.

WAS at DAL: When you get beat by the Vikings at home, it's a bad, bad sign. DAL.

PIT at JAX: This has got to be the most imporatant game of the season for the Jags. If they lose here, it will be a long time before I pick them again. JAX.

Saturday, September 09, 2006

Ah, week one. Hope springs eternal. A new day is dawning. Insert pointless poetic cliche #3 here.

BAL at TB. The first of many pundit-busting picks this week. The media is hyping Tampa again for some reason, and it needs to stop. BAL.

ATL at CAR. I suppose this is a big time matchup down in the land that time forgot. Atlanta got killed by the Packers in the preseason, that's enough reason for me to pick against them when they play someone good. CAR.

DEN at STL. Denver is my personal pick to completely flame out this year. Upset Special. STL.

BUF at NE. The Pats, much like the Red Sox, seem to be exhibiting an increasing case of "we're smarter than everyone else" syndrome, which will lead to trouble. Although not against the Bills at home. NE.

PHI at HOU. Sorry Houston, I'm not picking a team that's trotting out Wali Lundy at RB. Although, I always appreciate creative spelling endeavours. PHI.

NO at CLE. Let the dismantling of the Reggie Bush Hype Machine begin. CLE.

SEA at DET. No Joey, No Mooch....but Matt Millen is still around and he's brought in Mike Martz. Thankfully, this assures the Lions will continue to be the "hateable losers" of the NFC Central. SEA.

NYJ at TEN. Oh god. Game I don't care about of the week. TEN.

CIN at KC. Larry Johnson has such ridiculous expectations on him right now that it would be considered a disappointment if he finishes with 1500 yards and 10 TD's. Get ready to be disappointed. CIN.

CHI at GB. Believe it or not, I believe this is a game the Packers should be able to win. Really. Believe me! GB.

DAL at JAX. I cannot imagine any way the cowboys will be better than 8-8 this year. The most talked about team in the offseason vs. the least talked about team in general. JAX.

SF at ARI. There are so many idiots on the Cardinals bandwagon right now the thing's axles are about ready to give out. Washed up QB + Washed up RB = same old Cardinals. ARI.

IND at NYG. I know I'm looking forward to the big time matchup in this game....Chris Snee vs Raheem Brock. Oh baby. IND.

MIN at WAS. Washington looked horrible in the preseason, but Minnesota's playmakers are Brad Johnson, Chester Taylor, and Travis Taylor. It's ok, you can laugh. WAS.

SD at OAK. Al Davis will likely provide the most entertainment in the league this year, as he tries out the "go forward by going backwards" teambuilding method. What washed up loser will be the next to be brought in? Howie Long? SD.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Time to get some NFL picks up. I make no promises about sticking it out all year, especially with the projected pain and agony I wil be suffering at the Packers' hands, but we will see how things go before I invariably bail to Lisa.

MIA at PIT. Many reasons to pick against both of these teams. Many "experts" have picked the Dolphins as an AFC sleeper, which is a sure sign they won't be. The Steelers weren't even very good last year and this year the deck will be stacked against them. Plus, both teams will start NFC North reject quarterbacks. Just for fun, I'll give the edge to the team that also has an NFC North reject quarterback as their backup. MIA