Monday, September 30, 2002

Every time I'm forced to watch one of those godawful Coors commercials, I feel like I have grown 10% stupider.

Saturday, September 28, 2002

Alright, enough of tests and whatnot and back down to buisness.

Item 1 today is the incredibly creepy "Kidz Bop". In case you haven't heard of this, it's a compilation CD full of recent pop songs as sung by preteens, and is heavily advertised on Nickelodeon and other kid's stations. Many of these songs have either implied or explicit "adult" content. If you haven't seen the commercials, I have no way of accuratly conveying how disturbing it is to see a 12-year old happily singing Nelly Furtado's "Turn off the Light" in front of a swirling, brightly-colored pastel background. Other songs included are:

"Survivor" (Targeted at all those 10-year old survivors)
"Follow Me" (Which is about adultery in case you haven't noticed)
"Come On Over Baby " (Why don't they just sing the Booty Call soundtrack?)
"Livin' La Vida Loca" (No explaination needed)

and many, many others. Even worse, there is apparently more than one company producing this kind of thing. I'm no Tipper Gore, but this is certainly disturbing. What ever happened to "Row, Row, Row your Boat?"

Item 2 is football picks. As Chris has mentioned, I was an "ungodly" 13-1 last week. You know you're doing something right when someone refers to you as ungodly. Ok, so here are this week's picks. And by the way Chris, the Packers do have a defense, they just are choosing not to use it.

NO at DET: NO. If the Saints can beat Tampa, Green Bay, and Chicago back-to-back-to-back and then lose to the Lions, they should immediately be arrested for fixing games.

CAR at GB: GB. To tell you the truth, I'm honestly quite worried about this game. It helps that "Mushy" Mohammed is out, though. Plus, I couldn't live with myself if I picked this to go the other way.

MIA at KC: MIA. I don't know what's going on in Kansas City, but they clearly aren't "doing well". Therefore, as my self-imposed rule states (see week 1 picks), I will not pick them to win.

CHI at BUF: BUF. Haha! That'll teach you stinkin' Bears to rely on divine providence each and every week. The spell has been broken!

DAL at STL: STL. If the Rams lose this one, I'm predicting a full system collape in St. Louis - Kurt Warner, unless you figure out how to throw a spiral again, you're going to be sitting at home watching the playoffs. Thank god you're playing everyone's favorite panacea, the Cowboys.

HOU at PHI: PHI. I like Donovan McNabb, but 100+ millon seems a lot to give a guy who has barely a year's worth of quality starts, to borrow a basball term. This, however, has no impact on the game at hand.

CLE at PIT: PIT. I'm not quite sold on Cleveland yet. Kordell Stewart is the best i've ever seen at playing just well enough to keep from being benched. He's managed to keep his job in a constant state of limbo for about half a decade now, very impressive......

NYJ at JAX: JAX. What happened to you, Jets? You used to be cool....

NYG at AZ: NYG. The Giants seem to be winning a lot of games for a team that really doesn't do anything well.

TB at CIN: TB. Word has it that if Akili Smith doesn't work out, Cincy is going to start Boomer Esiason next week.

TEN at OAK: OAK. I've treated the Titans nicely this whole year, and how do they repay me? By ruining an otherwise perfect week. I'm one to hold grudges.

NE at SD: SD. Drew Brees isn't a man, he's a machine. A machine that's good at football, in case you're wondering.

MIN at SEA: SEA. A pair of must-win games for two teams that will both be beyond must-win situations about 3 weeks from now. Do people really think Randy Moss is going to do great now that he's in trouble again? Remember, Randy doesn't play when he's got something to prove; Randy plays when he wants to play.

DEN at BAL: DEN. Watching Brian Billick stink up the joint is almost as fun as watching Mike Martz stink up the joint. Almost.

Friday, September 27, 2002

My apologies for not posting the past couple days. Exams on back-to-back days will do that to ya. More coming soon

Wednesday, September 25, 2002

Word of Warning: This is a football-related posting day.

In fact, I have several football-related notes today:

* If not for the Titans' unbelievable 4th quarter collapse on sunday, I would have been perfect in my picks. That's right, perfect. Why am I not getting paid for this?

* It's nice to see that Randy Moss is once again up to his old tricks.

* I recently read a column by ESPN's David Flemming, who weighs in on the much-discussed topic of funny names in sports. His view is as follows:

Top Five Hardest-to-Pronounce NFL Names:
5. Muadianvita Kazadi, LB, Buffalo
(Mwah-jon-VEE-ta kuh-ZAH-dee)
4. Adewale Ogunleye, DE, Miami
(add-uh-WAL-lay oh-goon-LAY-eh)
3. Chris Fuamatu-Ma'afala, RB, Pittsburgh
(Fu-ah-MAH-tu ma-ah-FAH-la)
2. Touraj Houshmandzadeh, WR, Cincinnati
(TOO-raj Push-mahn-ZAH-duh)
1. Kabeer Gbaja-Biamila, DE, Green Bay
(kah-BEER BAH-jah BEE-ah-MIL-lah)

* Also on this topic, a recent issue of SI did a small feature on creative spelling of names in the NFL. It presents the following evidence:

1. Antoine(Winfield, Bills)
2. Anton (Palepoi, Seahawks)
3. Antowain (Smith, Patriots)
4. Antuan (Edwards, Packers)
5. Antwaan (Randle El, Steelers)
6. Antwan (Lake, Lions)
7. Antwoine (Womack, Patriots)

Not to mention the fact that there's another Womack in the league who goes by "Pork Chop", who in turn fits right in with "Boo" (Williams) and "Bubba" (Franks). Isn't the NFL wonderful?

Tuesday, September 24, 2002

This is the first installment of what I hope will become a regular feature on this site: Helpful Advice for the Typical St. Louis Driver.

Rule 1: Many of you seem to be confused about what exactly you are supposed to do when confronted with a stop sign. It's actually not as simple as you might think. Judging by your behavior, you seem to think that the only obligation at a stop sign is to stop. This is true, my friends, but there is so much more involved as well. You see, you are not immediately freed from your obligation at a particular stop sign once you stop. There may be other cars at the stop sign, attempting to go in other directions, who have been waiting longer than you have. The correct thing to do is to yield to these individuals. Just because you have stopped does not mean you are immediately given the right of way. So next time, try to remember that you are not the only driver in St. Louis and that other people may actually be attempting to drive as well. Thank you.

Sunday, September 22, 2002

A quick analysis of my picks vs. Chris's picks:

1) We only differed in one game.
2) That game was Carolina vs. Minnesota.
3) I picked those lovable Panthers, Chris picked those despicable Vikings
4) The underdog Panthers won.
5) Hahahahaha.
Alright, It's time to do some picks. At this rate I'll have amassed such a lead over Chris that I won't even have to make calls after midseason. For right now, though:

CLE at TEN: TEN. The Browns actually considered keeping Kelly Holcomb as their starting quarterback. That's scary. If the Titans lose to Dallas and Cleveland back to back, they're done.

NYJ at MIA: MIA. Boy, did those Jets look horrible last week. Unless Chad Morton can return about 8 kicks for touchdowns, I can't see them scoring against the Dolphins.

CAR at MIN: CAR. Every logical impulse in my body is screaming Minnesota. However, my heart and gut have Rodney Peete fever. Quite frankly, I'd never forgive myself if I picked the Vikes and the Panthers won, so here goes nuthin......

KC at NE: NE. As I've said before, I'll never pick KC to win. And the way the Pats are playing now, I might consider never picking them to lose.

NO at CHI: NO. Oh, those Lucky, Lucky Bears. The next time I hear someone kiss Brian Urlacher's butt, someone's gonna pay.

DAL at PHI: PHI. I can't explain what happened last week in Dallas -- I'm sure Jerry Jones is taking the credit for it, though.

IND at HOU: IND. I think I see Houston pulling a "2001 Carolina Panthers" this year. However, in all honesty, I think they'd be perfectly happy with 1-15 as long as they beat the Cowboys.

SD at AZ: SD. You can't stop Drew Brees, you can only hope to contain him. And we all know that Arizona doesn't even have a chance at that.

BUF at DEN: DEN. The Bledsoe honeymoon ends in Denver. Then again, I don't know if you can call a .500 winning percentage a honeymoon. More like a trip to nowheresville.

GB at DET: GB. Calling the Lions a "massive trainwreck" would be a gross understatement.

WAS at SF: SF. Moochie angry! Moochie want revenge!

SEA at NYG: NYG. I thought the 'hawks were overrated, but I had no idea they were this bad....170+ yards to Thomas Jones? King Mike should be ashamed.

CIN at ATL: ATL. Speaking about bad teams, nobody does bad like Cincinatti. In the NFL, it takes something truly special to be as consistently bad as those beloved Bungles have been.

STL at TB: TB. Man, am I enjoying Mike Martz's fall from grace. Nothing better than watching a pompus jerk get his comeuppance. Of course, I'd imagine that St. Louis still isn't concerned about the losses. They're automatically given a playoff spot just for being the Rams, right?

Thursday, September 19, 2002

Bart: Dad, are you licking toads again?
Homer: I'm not not licking toads.
A few days ago I mentioned my tendency to be slightly change-adverse. I've always been this way, but it was especially evident in my early years, and especially in regard to wardrobe changes. For example, all of the following clothing were large scale, traumatic events that I had to deal with as a young lad*:

long sleeves to short sleeves
pants to shorts
shoes to snow boots
pajama feet to no pajama feet

And, of course, the inverse of all the above transitions.

Things have changed now that I'm older. Because I control my own wardrobe, every day is a t-shirt and jeans every day. And every night is a pajama feet night.

Semi-unrelated Note:
Speaking of kids' sleepwear, what ever happened to underoos? I remember when they were so cool you wished you could wear them on the outside of your pants. And if my memory serves me correctly, some kids actually did.

*all of these have been verified by my mom

Tuesday, September 17, 2002

Ok, this officially scares me.....There is a product out there, sitting on a grocery store shelf near you, called Emeril's Original Essence. I pity the person who wants the essence of Emeril in their food. In fact, I can't imagine this product inspiring anything other than fear. I can see a typical family sitting down for dinner:

Dad: "Hey, is there something different in the cajun chicken today, honey?
Mom: "Yes, It's Emeril's Original Essence!"
Dad: "Oh god, how could you!"
Little Suzy: Begins crying loudly
Little Billy: Runs screaming from the room

Monday, September 16, 2002

Finally, someone has stepped up to the plate and given Mike Martz the credit he's due. Read about it here.

Saturday, September 14, 2002

Ok, here come the week 2 picks:

CHI at ATL: ATL. This is Falcons no question if Ray Buchanan doesn't get himself suspended, but oh, those lucky, lucky Bears. Regardless, they're not going to know what happened once Mr. Vick hits them.

CIN at CLE: CLE. Good God, the Bengals were bad last week.

TEN at DAL: TEN. Good God, the Cowboys were bad last week.

MIA at IND: MIA. If Indianapolis can barely beat the Jags, what does that say?

JAX at KC: JAX. Like I said last week, I'll never ever pick the Chiefs to win, unless they start doing good. And last week, whatever you call it, certainly wasn't good.

GB at NO: GB. Aaron Brooks is going to look about as mobile as Dan Marino to the Pack, who had to face Vick last week.

NE at NYJ: NE. If I were a Pats fan, I'd be worried about overconfidence following last week's Steeler drubbing. 25 passes in a row? Be careful, you're turning into everything you hate (a.k.a. the Rams).

DET at CAR: CAR. Yikes, Yikes, Yikes....The Panthers are bad, but the Lions are a crime against nature.

TB at BAL: TB. I honestly didn't think Baltimore was going to be this bad. Now, I just can't see Chris Redman carving up the Tampa D (even though it's vastly overrated, just like everything else about the Bucs)

AZ at SEA: AZ. Yes, that's right, I'm predicting a Cards victory. Trent Dilfer returns to the Seahawks, who will quickly come to the realization that he's Trent Dilfer.

NYG at STL: STL. Last week, Mike Martz makes an idiotic, egomaniacal call and the Rams lose. After the game, all the Rams applaud the "go for the throat" approach and say thay aren't worried about the loss. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the exact reason why the Rams won't win the superbowl.

BUF at MIN: BUF. Another two offense, no defense game. The Vikings tend to self-combust if presented with any adversity, so I'll take the cool, lifeless Bills.

HOU at SD: SD. Houston gets severely beaten back into reality by Brees, LT, and company.

DEN at SF: DEN. San Fran looked none too impressive last week. Denver has a pretty solid team, although I heard Brian Griese has developed a sore neck from constantly looking over his shoulder (rim shot).

OAK at PIT: PIT. If Kordell can recover from 3-hour long brain fart he had last week, the Steelers should have enough D to stick it to Old Man ______ (fill in any Raiders player here).

PHI at WAS: PHI. Suddenly everyone thinks the Skins are good because have three wins that didn't count, and they beat the Cardinals. C'mon people you know better than that. Also, Chris says Steve Spurrier will get 0 tackles this week. I'm predicting at least 5, plus a forced fumble.
As you might have noticed from the sometimes-odd column dimensions of my site, sticking big ol' pictures in your weblog does not jive well with simple HTML tables. Kinda sucks. I'm too lazy to fix it, though.

Friday, September 13, 2002

The site has undergone a few post-move cosmetic changes today. I try to make these kind of modifications in very small increments, because I know some people are execptionally change-averse. Like me, for instance. When I was a baby I noticed my mom had put a flower vase on the mantle and started bawling my eyes out. True story.

Thursday, September 12, 2002

Welcome to Mount Athos's new home!

In case you haven't noticed, as of 9/12/02 I've moved to a new host. I'd like to thank -273 for their generous hosting offer. Moving turned out to be a little more difficult than I had anticipated tonight, but everything appears to be up and running now. I just wish I hadn't wasted an hour trying to make blogger generate code that successfully links up to an archives/ subdirectory. Flat directory structure it is!
The word is in ... Mount Athos is moving!

Negative273 has offered to host my site, allowing me to finally break free of my CEC-imposed chains. After some thought I've decided to give all you a day or two warning before the move actually takes place - but anyways the new address will be More coming shortly....

Tuesday, September 10, 2002

I recieved an email with the following text today, and an executable file attached:

This is a WinXP patch
I expect you would like it.

This crucial update for an operating system I don't have arrived to me via email from someone I dont know. I didn't think I needed a patch for XP, but someone I don't know thinks, no expects, that I would like it, so I decided I better take their word for it. Plus, I figured it must be a pretty urgent patch if Microsoft felt the necessity to send notification to everyone via email, from anonymous third-parties, no less. I forwarded it to everyone I know, just to be on the safe side, in case they haven't recieved this important patch yet.
I forgot two individuals who should obviously be added to my "People who suck" list:

Shaq & Kobe

Also, the results from my week one NFL picks are in. 11-5. What a way to start. Plus, I should get extra credit for picking the Titans over the Eagles and the Broncos over the Rams. And don't even talk about the KC game - If Dwane Rudd doesn't take off his helmet I'm 12-4.

Saturday, September 07, 2002

I saw this on Conan the other night, and I just had to share it.

People who suck:

Whoever decided that one brand of Comedic Singing Plasic Bass wasn't enough
The movie executive who greenlighted "Swim Fan"
Anyone who works for E! - Entertainment Television.
Tal Bachman ("She's so hieyeyeyeye......")
Whoever came up the new Coors advertising campaign
Jean-Claude Van Damme

...that's all I could think of in a two minute period.....more coming later

Friday, September 06, 2002

I'm not known for starting conspiracy theories, but I think I've made up a good one. Or mabey I'm not supposed to tell you I made it up. Well, anyway, the cat's out of the bag now, quite literally. You seem, I'm proposing that that 60s-70's folk-rock legend Cat Stevens and System of A Down's frontman Serj Tankian are the SAME PERSON. Here are the facts, all of which I found on the internet, so they must be 1977 Cat Stevens retires folk music and becomes a Muslim, changing his name to Yousef Islam and withdrawing from the public eye. Serj Tankian was "born" in Beruit in 1975 and later moved to America, where he joined System of a Down. My theory is, Cat Stevens got tired of folk music, so he used his conversion to secretly disappear, only to reappear 20 years later as a politically-oriented aggro-rocker. Plus, they look a lot alike. See for yourself.

*Note: My conspiracy theory also hold that Cat Stevens doesn't age, much like Dick Clark

Tuesday, September 03, 2002

The gauntlet has been tossed on the ground. I'm going to pick it up, put a large Acme-brand anvil inside, and retaliate. Prepare to be clobbered. More specifically, Prepare to be clobbered, Chris. For those of you who are confused right now, I have been challenged by a certain individual to do a weekly column of NFL picks, to be compared head to head with his picks. I have dutifully accepted. So without further ado, I give you my week one picks. For your gambling ease*, I've arranged mine in the same format as his.

SF at NYG: SF. This used to be THE marquee matchup in the league, about 10 years ago. Oh how the mighty have fallen.

NYJ at BUF: BUF. Old Stiff Drew Bledsoe vs. Old Stiffer Vinny Testaverde. (Relative) youth wins today.

MIN at CHI: MIN. The classic "can't both teams lose?" game. I'll just hope for lots of injuries.

SD at CIN: SD. Drew Brees is for real. Takeo Spikes is injured. That's enough for me.

KC at CLE: CLE. Mark my word, I will never pick KC to win this year. Unless they start doing good.

ATL at GB: GB. Ahh, sweet revenge from last year. Michael Vick becomes road kill on the road to the Super Bowl.

PHI at TEN: TEN. Ooh, finally a good one. Philly's overrated and everyone forgot the Titans. Not anymore.

DET at MIA: MIA. Someone tell Matt Millen that you need defensive backs to win football games.

AZ at WAS: WAS. I think the fun&gun will sputter early. Not against the Cards, though.

BAL at CAR: BAL. The Ravens still have Ray Lewis, the Panthers still have.....umm....well.....newly-anointed 25-millon dollar man Mike Rucker. If you just said "Who?", you're right.

IND at JAX: IND. This could get ugly. 2 offensive squads, 0 defensive squads. Expect a high-scoring affair.

NO at TB: NO. The vastly overrated Bucs start out poorly on their way to a 9-7 season, just like they always do.

SEA at OAK: OAK. Unlike the Bucs, Oakland starts out strong. Especially against the annual "wait til next year" Seahawks.

STL at DEN: DEN. The Broncos always give the Rams a hard time. I'll go out on a limb and say the mile high air brings the Rams down.

DAL at HOU: DAL. I was automatically going to give Dallas a loss this week, but then I saw who they were playing. Dang it.

PIT at NE: NE. Ooh, this is a real push. The Steelers don't usually start out strong, so I'll let the Pats and their homefield advantage slide this time.

*Note: Picks are not for gambling purposes, unless you're really stupid.

Sunday, September 01, 2002

I'm not one to nitpick about spelling (anyone who regularly reads this weblog can attest to that), but I just found the following line humorous:

Peter Warrick isn't endanger of losing his roster spot in the next couple of years

This comes from John Clayton, a respected writer who writes articles for, among other things. You'd think a massive media company such as ESPN would have articles proofread (notice I said proofread and not just spell checked), but I guess not. Oh well.