Saturday, December 31, 2005


CAR at ATL: The team that I keep saying will make noise in the playoffs, Carolina, is doing a very poor job of getting there in the first place. CAR

BAL at CLE: Now taking all bets on the number of weeks it will be until Kyle Boller resumes being Kyle Boller. Over/under is one and a half. CLE

SEA at GB: Til' next year... GB

AZ at IND: Fear the wrath of Jim Sorgi. IND

CIN at KC: Bold Prediction: Chad Johnson's next end zone dance will be a pantomime of Dick Vermeil crying. CIN

MIA at NE: I get this feeling that the Patriots are taken way too much for granted in New England. People would rather talk about the Sox getting acceptable return on a Matt Clement trade than about that little NFL dynasty thing they've got going. NE

BUF at NYJ: Vinny Testaverde will likely be the best quarterback in the stadium for this one - not a good sign. Little known fact: Vinny is actually 4 months older than Joe Namath. NYJ

DET at PIT: As I mentioned last week, Pittsburgh somehow convinced the NFL to schedule them as if they were in the NFC North. PIT

NO at TB: Upset special, just because Gruden gets on my nerves. Nobody likes people who are always angry. It's a game, man. NO.

HOU at SF: It's quite amazing, every week Houston either plays a) Indy or b) Someone truly awful. And I know they haven't played Indy more than, like, 5 times this year, so how do you explain the other 10 losses? HOU.

TEN at JAX: Can there really be a quarterback controversy if no one cares? Reminds me of that tree falling in the forest. JAX

CHI at MIN: I'm not sure which meathead I want to see return more, Mike Tice or Matt Millen. As long as those two guys are calling the shots, and the Bears are still the Bears (trust me, they look exactly like they did in that one fluke 12-4 season about five years ago), the Packers will be fine. MIN

WAS at PHI: If you think Philly will contend again next year, think again. That sound you heard was your window closing. WAS

STL at DAL: Game I Don't Care About of the Week, in what turned out to be the Season I Didn't Care About of the Year. DAL
Finally, the season comes to a close. If it weren't for these picks always taking up my scant posting time, this site would be brimming with "content" of some sort. So blame the NFL's 17 weeks and 30-odd teams, not me.

However, unlike many of the NFL teams soon to be mentioned, I'm sticking things out to the bitter end, and will continue to bring my "A Game" even at this late hour. Or more likely, A-minus, but you get the idea.

DEN at SD: If you asked a causual NFL fan without specific knowledge of these team's records which team was playoff bound, I'd bet you'd hear "The Chargers" nine times out of ten. DEN

NYG at OAK: I can't think of a team that's ever had less to root for than the 2005 Raiders. Yeah Kerry Collins! Yeah Randy Moss! Yeah Warren Sapp! Stop being hurt and bad! I need to lie down now. NYG

Friday, December 23, 2005

There are many reasons to rejoice these days. Xmas is here, Eggnog is plentiful at supermarkets, and the NFL season is mercifully drawing to a close.

BUF at CIN: I hate to admit it, but I much prefer Chad Johnson's Playful Egomaniac routine to TO's Angry Egomaniac routine, or Randy Moss's Idiotic Egomaniac routine. CIN

PIT at CLE: It's impossible to tell how good Pittsburgh is at this point, since their last 8 games or so have been against the NFC North. PIT

SD at KC: Serious potential for a letdown game here for the Chargers, but the Chiefs aren't going to finish this year with a winning record. (Can you believe they were 8-4 at one point?) SD.

SF at STL: When I saw this matchup, the word "Pug-ugly" popped into my mind for some reason. STL

TEN at MIA: Game I Don't Care About of the Week. MIA

DET at NO: Wow, the most tumultuous matchup of the year: The team ravaged by Katrina vs the team ravaged by Matt Millen. NO

ATL at TB: Tampa Bay continues their slide out of the playoffs. ATL

NYG at WAS: Is it just me, or does every team in the NFC East have about four wins more than it should have? WAS

DAL at CAR: Predicted final score: 4-3. CAR

JAX at HOU: Jacksonville struggled mightily against the Niners last week, which bodes poorly for ... oh wait, they're playing the Texans. JAX

PHI at AZ: As bad as the Packers' season has gone, it pales in comparison to what's happened in Philly. AZ

OAK at DEN: Denver's pretty good for a team that's not good. DEN

IND at SEA: People will say all kinds of "Super Bowl Preview"-type things here, but the Seahawks are ludicrously overrated right now. They won't get by a good defensive squad like Carolina in the playoffs. IND

CHI at GB: It's a bad time to be a Packers fan, but an improbable smackdown of the Bears here would alleviate a lot of the pain. GB

MIN at BAL: No, Baltimore has not turned a corner, but they're good enough to beat the Vikes. BAL

NE at NYJ: I almost called upset special here, but have since regained my senses (I hate those mini brain aneurisms). NE

Saturday, December 17, 2005

And here's the rest:

SEA at TEN: How long can the Titans continue to suck before people stop being blinded by the mustache and realize Jeff Fisher ain't that great? SEA

SD at IND: The next last best hope for an Indy loss. But it ain't gonna happen in the dome. IND

PHI at STL: My words to the City of Philadelphia: You deserve every bit of the pain that the Eagles have suffered this year. STL

NYJ at MIA: Hey, how about a completely random upset special? NYJ

PIT at MIN: I may not think especially highly of Pittsburgh, but they're good enough to continue insulting the NFC North. PIT

CAR at NO: The Saints, providing free record inflation for the rest of the NFC South (again). CAR

SF at JAX: Indy one week, and San Fran the next? David Garrard must feel like a soldier pulled out of Iraq and re-deployed at a Cold Stone Creamery. JAX

AZ at HOU: I'm not sure what's scarier, that Houston might be throwing games, or that they might actually be that bad. AZ

CIN at DET: Shaun Rodgers: When Joe Theisman calls you an idiot, you've got a lot of explaining to do. CIN

CLE at OAK: Game I Don't Care About of the Week, and it's getting to be the time of year where the award is becoming more and more prestigious. CLE

DAL at WAS: The good news for Washington: they're above .500. The bad news for Washinton: They'll be about 40 million over the cap next year. And Dan Snyder has no soul. WAS

ATL at CHI: Let the smackdown of the Bears continue. ATL

GB at BAL: I *heart* Samkon Gado. GB
Thanks to Lisa, I managed to not forget another set of oddly timed games:

TB at NE. If Tampa wins (which they won't) expect the NFL's talking heads to take the "genius" crown from Bill Belicheck and give it back to Jon Gruden. What abuse the "genius" term suffers these days - Gauss must be spinning in his grave. NE.

KC at NYG. I just looked at the standings and the Giants have about 5 more wins than I thought they did. Can someone tell me how that happened? NYG.

DEN at BUF. How do two snowbound cities like Denver and Buffalo end up with guys from Arizona and Louisiana as quarterbacks? Then again, that guy from Mississippi typically does okay for the Packers. DEN.

Saturday, December 10, 2005

The season is HOW many weeks?

NE at BUF: How do you explain the Pats? They've had crucial injuries, they're not very talented, they haven't played well, everyone's out to get them, and they're 7-4. Jeez. NE

CLE at CIN: Is it wrong that I'm not in the least bit intrigued by this "all-Ohio" rivalry? I hope not. Game I don't care about of the week. CIN

HOU at TEN: An indication of the kind of year it's been for me: Even Houston is contributing to my misery, refusing to get that second win and fall behind the Packers in the Reggie Bush sweepstakes. TEN

STL at MIN: I have a feeling the Vikes figured it was time to celebrate I have a feeling Brad Johnson wasn't invited (the dude's a total square). STL

OAK at NYJ: As bad as the Jets are, they can't compare to the Raiders, who have become the very definition of losers in the past few years. NYJ

CHI at PIT: Almost losing to the Packers at home? Can you have any surer sign of suckiness? PIT

TB at CAR: Only because I know Tampa Bay isn't division-champ material. CAR

IND at JAX: The last best hope for an Indy loss. I would say upset special, but Lisa has final word, and I'm not going to contradict her on the Jags. IND

NYG at PHI: Why is Ed McMahon playing QB for the Eagles? He's not very good at all. NYG

WAS at AZ: Crap, I used my "Game I Don't Care About of the Week" too soon. Now I have to pretend to be interested. Oooh, I can't wait to see Mark Brunell and ... um ... I'm sure there are other players in this game too. WAS

SF at SEA: The most interesting thing about this game is that San Fran will look better than Philly did against the Hawks. Haw-haw, Philly. SEA

KC at DAL: I'm glad Dallas decided to cancel their tasteless "Which head coach is more likely to drop dead on the field?" promotional contest planned for this week. DAL

BAL at DEN: I foresee 12 wins and a quick playoff exit in the Bronco's future. DEN

MIA at SD: This "Fun in the Sun" matchup is only fun if you try to forget who the quarterbacks involved are. SD

DET at GB: Hey, at least we don't have Matt Millen. GB

NO at ATL: The Saints, providing free record inflation for the rest of the NFC South. ATL

Sunday, December 04, 2005

We're staying in the Lisa picks, Lucas gripes mode this week:

GB at CHI: How many ways can you say overrated? GB

JAX at CLE: The loss of Lord Byron won't be as big of a deal as people are making it out to be. The Jax offense has never been a high-octane Corvette anyway, it's more like a '91 Taurus, one that has non-critical components breaking down every week but still runs well enough to get you from point A to point B. JAX

MIN at DET: Moochie's out of the picture, but his pet quarterback Jeff "Who Needs Knees?" Garcia is starting instead of Joey "Who Needs Talent?" Harrington, which probably is genough to win against the Vikings. DET

TEN at IND: Just Imagine how poorly I'd be doing in picks this year if it wasn't for Indy. Thank you, Indy. IND

BUF at MIA: Remember when these teams had quarterbacks? MIA

TB at NO: Same old sad-sack Saints. TB

DAL at NYG: The Giants are reeling. Actually, I'm not sure you can be reeling if you were never that good to begin with. DAL

CIN at PIT: I think a healthy Steelers team beats the Bengals, but this isn't a healthy Steelers team. Has anyone noticed how remarkably injury-free Cincy has been this year? CIN

ATL at CAR: C'mon Carolina, you're the only team I don't hate that has a chance to win the NFC this year. CAR

HOU at BAL: I'm secretly hoping Houston pulls this one out, pushing Green Bay one step closer to Reggie Bush. BAL

WAS at STL: Back to reality for the Rams. WAS

AZ at SF: This yuck-tastic matchup happens twice every single year - lucky for us. GIDCAOTW. AZ

DEN at KC: The 2005 Denver Broncos: "pretty good for a non-contender." DEN

NYJ at NE: I want to say Upset Special but I will bow to reality (and Lisa). NE

OAK at SD: How many people would have guessed the Raiders season playing out like this? A lot, probably. SD

SEA at PHI: An interesting game, only because Seattle is a poor man's version of Philly last year: The only halfway-decent team who stayed healthy all year in a conference that's pretty bad to begin with. They'll go into the playoffs with a number one seed and leave without a trophy. SEA