Buoyed by the Packers recent shellacking of the Bears in front of a national audience, I think I'm now ready to return to blogging as usual. Nothing lifts your spirits like watching Brian Urlacher miss tackle after tackle as sideline reporter Lisa Guererro informs us of his recent dalliances with Paris Hilton. Gurererro even goes as far as to claim that they both are sick of public scrutiny in their one-week old relationship. Boo Hoo. I don't know who to feel worse for, the overrated millionaire football player, or the spoiled millionaire heiress.

On a related note, it would be criminal of me to rescind Lisa's NFL picking privileges after a spectacular 11-3 week. Chris seems to think that I should be ashamed of this for some reason, but I believe just the opposite is true. Why wouldn't I be proud to have a girfriend thats more knowledgeable about football than the cast of ESPN NFL Countdown? (okay, maybe that's not a good measuring stick, but you get the idea). On the other hand, if this is about my own picking prowess, I kindly reference last year's results. Or perhaps Chris is just worried that his lead is falling apart faster than Terrell Owens' relationship to Jeff Garcia...

So, apparently Lucas wants me to make my blogging debut by making his NFL picks for him. Great. Well...I guess I can't do much worse than him, unless I get all of the picks wrong. His only guidelines were that I didn't have to try to be fancy or anything. Well, all right. I think I can handle that.

But first, for those who are interested or for those who don't even know who I am, let me just say that I am definitely not a computer science person. I'm currently a first year grad student in the Microbiology Doctoral Training Program at UW-Madison.

Ok, now that the formalities are out of the way, here are my NFL picks:

AZ at STL: I could pick Arizona. Really, I could. Just to spite Martz. But then I'd have to actually pick the Cardinals to win a game. And that would just be silly. STL

SF at MIN: Minnesota has Moss, San Francisco has Owens. Basically it boils down to which receiver do I like the least. Or can't they both lose? Well, with Culpepper and Moss both upgraded this week, I guess I have to go with them. MIN

TEN at PIT: I'm pretty sure that this game has been on Pittsburgh's mind ever since they lost to the Titans last year in the AFC divisional playoff game. PIT

NE at WAS: Well, Spurrier, I was never much of a Gators fan. But I think that the Redskins will be able to take advantage of the defensive situation that is going on in Patriots-land. Or rather, lack of a defensive situation since everyone keeps getting injured. WAS

JAX at HOU: Well, the word on the street is that Leftwich will make his first NFL start. Normally, I'd go with the non-rookie QB team. But it's against Houston. And I'm from Jacksonville. JAX

PHI at BUF: The Eagles are coming off a bye week. I hope that McNabb and the rest of the offense got their acts together during that time. Call this my upset special, if you like. PHI

CIN at CLE: Ok, I just can't do it. I can't pick the Bengals to win. Even though they are playing the Browns. The only thing good about this game is that I don't have to watch it. CLE

KC at BAL: Priest Holmes. Need I say more? Ok, sure, there's some guy called Jamal Lewis on the other team, but I don't think that he's made any predictions about his performance this week. That can't be a good sign for Baltimore. KC

SD at OAK: Sorry San Diego, but with Boston suspended, I just don't think you'll win. Of course, even with Boston, you still probably wouldn't win. OAK

DAL at NYJ: Oh, I don't know. I don't really care either. But I'll go out on a limb and say Dallas. DAL

ATL at CAR: All right, I'm going to jump on the Carolina bandwagon. But only because of their defense and because Vick isn't playing. Certainly not because of their offense (with the possible exception of Davis). CAR

DET at DEN: Detroit? Not likely. Although...Portis might not play....nah, still can't do it. DEN

IND at NO: New Orleans hasn't looked too good so far. And I think that trend will continue at least one more week. IND

GB at CHI: Let's just say that Lucas would probably kill me if I picked against the Packers. GB

Ok, Lucas, I made my...um, your...picks. You know....if it doesn't work out this week, we could try making the picks together. Or, you could make a program to do the picks for you like a certain someone did last year (and you do have a lot of free time, at least right now)....

If you're wondering why I haven't posted this week, it's because I'm in a deep Packers-related funk, compouded by poor showings in NFL picks and Fantasy Football. The sight of this blog, for right now at least, only gives me pain. Therefore, I'm taking the unprecedented step of moving aside this weekend and letting Lisa do my NFL picks. I should be able to continue next week after my mourning period, but if Lisa does well, I guess all bets are off. So expect a post from her in the near future.

Time for picks again. Let me first give "mad props" to Chris for having a nice week, but we do still have to realize who's bold upset prediction became reality, and who's bold upset prediction was a complete blowout the other way. I know he said he was going to pick CAR over TB if I didn't beat him to it, so to avoid any issues this week I let him go first. Anyway, enough dilly-dally:

NYJ at NE: Isn't dilly-dally a fun word? As for the game: The Jets are the poor man's Raiders, and right now the Raiders look poor. So, where does that leave the Jets? NE.

KC at HOU: Everyone's "predicting" Priest won't make it through the season. You might as well "predict" that Kansas City will play 16 games in the regular season. I'm temped to pick Houston but they've already had their shocker win of the year. KC.

TB at ATL: Is there anyone on earth that doesn't enjoy seeing that little gremlin Martin Grammatica getting it shoved in his face? The guy belongs in B horror movies, not the NFL. I'm going to the Buccaneers Well again for an upset special, based on the fact that last year the Falcons acutally did better against the Bucs when Mike Vick was out. ATL.

PIT at CIN: For all the hype about Cincy's improvent, they still find a way every single week to avoid victory. Until they win, I'm not picking them. PIT.

MIN at DET: If you're taking the Vikings seriously after they barely beat a awful chicago team at home, you need to adjust your medication. Still, my rule from last year still applies: NEVER pick Detroit in a upset special. Chris should have remebered that last week. MIN.

NO at TEN: Poor, poor Steve McNair. He gets all the injuries Brad Johnson should be getting (have you ever seen a guy walk into more big hits than B.J.? I haven't). Nevertheless, the Saints aren't going anywhere this year, especially when they have to play on grass. TEN

JAX at IND: It's a bad year to be a Jaguars fan - sorry, Lisa. At least they have Lefwitch in the wings, he's going to make a lot of teams regreat passing on him. Of course, that's several years down the road and has no bearing in this game. IND

STL at SEA: The cool thing to do would be to pick the Seahawks, but I still have visions of Faulk scoring like eighteen touchdowns against them last year, always during the week when I had to play against him in fanasty football. Rrgh. STL.

NYG at WAS: Encouraged by recent success, Steve Spurrier is now incorporating real guns into the Fun n' Gun. NYG.

GB at AZ: The Cards and Bears better hope they play each other this year, because at least one of them would finish the season 1-15. GB.

BAL at SD: Word has it that the Chargers are busing out the old baby blue uniforms for this one, which pretty much guarantees a win. I'm not sure if they're favored or not, but I'm saying Chargers in an upset. SD.

CLE at SF: How any team can allow so much rushing to one player is beyond me. If you need to play "11 in the box", do it. You weren't going to stop the pass anyway. SF.

BUF at MIA: It's bandwagon-hopping time, baby! BUF.

OAK at DEN: Oakland, Denver, Monday Night. For the first few seconds after you hear it, it sounds awfully good. Then you think about it a little more and just feel sad. DEN.

Actual conversation witnessed at the local grocery store:

Check Out Girl to Bagging Boy: I'm delirious ... (pause) ... I don't know what that word means (apologetic look)

Bagging Boy to Check Out Girl: I don't know either (laughs)

Ah, young love blooms at Pick'N'Save....

Time for NFL picks. Yes, I'm down by one to Chris, but can blame that on my unending loyalty to Green Bay, who I have now picked to win for 18 weeks in a row. Besides, we're on equal ground with our respective favorite teams looking respectively godawful in week one. This week, however, the Packers host the Lions while the Pats travel to Philly. I don't envy you, Chris.

BUF at JAX: I think it's too early to say the Bills are for real, but I'm pickin'em anyway. BUF.

DET at GB: Lions actually think they're good after beating the cardinals. I pity them. GB.

MIA at NYJ: Name one person on the Jets that isn't washed up. They're the poor man's Raiders. MIA.

SF at STL: Do I really need to gloat at Mike Martz ruining another Rams game? Yes, I do. HAW-HAW! Unfortunately, they'll have enough to beat an overconfident and overrated Niners team. STL.

WAS at ATL: Enouraged by last week's showing, Steve Spurrier plans on playing 5 wide recievers at all times, even when on defense. ATL.

CLE at BAL: Based on Baltimore's defensive showing last week, it looks like their offense will have to carry them. In other words, it looks like a long year. CLE.

HOU at NO: Houston won't be able to sneak up on their opponents anymore, and New Orleans has to win at least a few games to be able to collapse at the end, right? NO.

PIT at KC: Finally a good game. Priest Holmes needs exactly one more good game to convince me he's all the way back.
As things currently stand, however, I have to take the Steelers. PIT.

TEN at IND: Last week I said I was on the Titans bandwagon until McNair gets hurt. Well, it took exactly one week. However, they play the Colts, who couldn't score a single touchdown against Cleveland's "defense". Not a good sign. TEN.

CAR at TB: Ok, so Tampa's D looked good on Monday, I'll give them that. But take out two ridiculous catches by "Big White Joey J" and their offense basically does nothing against a depleted Philly D. Carolina should be able to shut them down, and just may be able to score enough to win with Jake "I'm French" Delhomme at QB. it's my upset special. CAR.

SEA at ARI: If you liked last week's Cardinals game, you'll love this one. The big question is whether or not Seattle will get to 50. I'm saying yes. SEA.

CIN at OAK: A team on the decline meets a team on the .... wait, we're talking about Cincy here. Scratch that. OAK.

DEN at SD: Last week, Jake Plummer did one of the best impressions I've ever seen of a chicken with its head cut off. SD.

NE at PHI: Both teams are reeling, but at least Philly is reeling because of injuries. The Patriots need a group therapy session, possibly one where they get to throw things at Coach Bill. PHI.

CHI at MIN. How did ESPN wind up with this stinker? Chicago is bad beyond all my happiest dreams. MIN.

DAL at NYG. Again, Football Renaissance My Butt. Does MNF really think this game will draw well, outside of that small "Bill Parcells is eye candy" demographic? NYG.

This one's for all you Law & Order fans out there. If you're looking cross that line between "Like the show" and "Spend my days dreaming about Jerry Orbach", I recommend Law & Order: Artistic Intent, an online gallery of art inspired by everyone's favorite crime and punishment drama. My favorite is the Law & Order coloring book, which I'm seriously considering printing out and giving to Lisa for her birthday.

It's been a long time since I've talked about stupid commercials, so I thought I better do some complaining ASAP, about ads like these:

* That "I like it, I love it, I want some more of it" commercial for Applebee's. Evidently they are taking a page from Chili's "Baby Back Ribs" handbook and finding a horrible yet catchy song to pound into everyone's head, causing great pain to all involved.

* That Under Armour commercial where some football player-type guy keeps screaming about "protecting this house". On a side note, anyone who wears Under Armour and isn't not an incredibly buff professional athelete is a big tool. Like one of the guys on the frat softball team that beat us, for example. On another side note, if you've heard of ESPN's new "drama", Playmakers, but haven't got a chance to see it, let me just say it's basically one big Under Armour commercial.

* That Paxil or Zoloft or Claritin or Whatever commercial where the lady is obsessing (and evidently hallucinating) about what's going to give her indigestion when a waiter is telling her the specials. Lady, you're going to need more than an antacid.

* Those Best Buy commericals where friendly Best Buy emploees imagine their customers getting out of hand with their recent purchases. They fall into the dreaded trying-so-hard-to-be-funny-that-you're-painfully-unfunny category.

* The Honda Element Commercials. They fall into the also dreaded "hey, we're upbeat, young, and hip!" category. When will automotive companies realize this strategy will only result in attracting middle-aged soccer moms attempting to stay upbeat, young, and hip? Automakers, if you want to attract young people to your car, I have three words for you: make it cheaper. Perhaps by cutting back on all those "hey, we're upbeat, young, and hip!" commercials.

Plus, there's a new round of Coors commercials coming out, just in time for football season. Wonderful.

Someone seems to have been a bit premature in speculating that I would not be doing NFL picks this year, after barely any waiting. I would have offered the challenge myself a while ago, but I believe it's good manners to let the loser propose the remach. So be it. Here are the picks.

NYJ at WAS: And what a way to start. The only reason the redskins won't finish last in the NFC east is that the cowboys are stuck in there too. Good to see that Dan Syner hasn't learned a thing, and is still giving huge signing bonues to overrated, one-dimensional players. NYJ.

JAX at CAR: Carolina would be a super bowl contender if they had someone better than my grandma at quaterback. Jack Del Rio is squashed by the defense that he helped create. CAR.

AZ at DET: Oh my god. Kill me now. DET.

MIN at GB: I'm seriously scared about this one for some reason, but Hundred-Millionaire Daunte Culpepper will find a way to mess things up. Also, in a bit of encouraging news, Chris Hovan has admitted he's an idiot. You sure are, Chris, you sure are. GB.

BAL at PIT: The Steelers have a habit of starting slow, and Ray Lewis has a habit of hurting people. Does anyone in steeltown really think that Tommie Maddox will last all 16 games? BAL.

NE at BUF: I have to agree with Chris here - the Pats were my pick for AFC superbowl, but the fact that they are now even considering starting Chris Akins at saftey has me changing my mind awful fast. BUF.

DEN at CIN: Marvin Lewis or no Marvin Lewis, Cincy is doomed to suck yet again. Extra boo's for letting a guy like Takeo Spikes leave with no compensation in the offseason. DEN.

IND at CLE: I have a gut feeling that neither team will play well enough to win, but you don't get points for predicting ugliness. I'm gonna gamble that Indy finally has its act together with a healthy Big Three. IND.

SD at KC: Can somebody tell me why everyone thinks KC's defense is vastly improved after picking up guys like Shawn Barber and Vonnie Holliday? Sure, they're solid, but the way the D played last year, they need to be Lawrence Taylor and Reggie White. SD.

HOU at MIA: Of course the dolphins are going to start out well. Of course Jay Fiedler will look line Dan Marino for a few weeks. Of course somebody in our fantasy football league will pick up Corey Bradford after he catches one long touchdown. MIA.

STL at NYG: I think the Rams are going to win this one, but it pains so me greatly to pick them that I will take the easy way out and pick the Giants. NYG.

ATL at DAL: Football Renaissance in Dallas, my butt. ATL.

CHI at SF: Which are the real Bears, 2001 or 2002? Let me answer that right now: 2002. Proof starts this week in San Fran. SF.

NO at SEA: Welcome to the meeting between the two most overrated teams in the NFC. However, the Saints tend to underacheive late while the Seahawks tend to underacheive early. Therefore, NO.

OAK at TEN: Titans are the new "it" pick for AFC champions, and I'd have to agree, at least until McNair gets hurt again. TEN.

TB at PHI: Dang, I don't remember having to do this many picks last year. I'm getting fatigued. Philly gets revenge, that's all I have left to say. PHI.